Surviving Abuse – My Story

This blog will adopt a different perspective from my earlier posts. It centres on my experience of surviving sexual abuse in childhood, and how I turned that pain into something more uplifting. Many of us likely know someone who has endured a similar upbringing, and it’s possible that you yourself have faced similar challenges while growing up. I hope this provides comfort to those who feel unheard, overlooked, or isolated in any way.  My intention is to bring relief and joy to others, demonstrating that you can emerge from these experiences as a stronger individual. There is no shame in feeling overwhelmed or afraid to face the world. Survivors of abuse are some of the strongest people I have ever encountered, including myself.

My story began when I was just 5 years old. My mother started dating a new boyfriend, an ex-soldier from the British Armed Forces who was married to someone else and had two young sons at the time. He often visited the pub where my mum worked as a bartender. They both enjoyed drinking and flirted openly with each other, and as the saying goes, the rest is history. To cut a long story short, he eventually became my stepfather, marking the beginning of a dark chapter in my childhood. It started with him watching me in the bath when I was clearly going to be naked. Initially, he framed it as a “joke” (his interpretation, not mine), trying to make it seem like he was teasing by standing on a chair outside the bathroom door to look through the clear glass above it.

I would crouch down in the bath, desperately trying to cover myself to escape his unsettling gaze and creepy laughter. I would scream for him to get down, and eventually, he would, all the while chuckling to himself. This behaviour persisted for many years; as I grew older, my discomfort only increased, and his creepiness got worse.

I quickly realised that he only acted this way when my mum was out of the house. I could never confide in her about what was happening, as their relationship was toxic. I once saw blood from a broken nose splattered on the living room wall after one of their many physical fights.  To this day I am unsure whose blood it was, I just know how scared I felt as a child listening to their many arguments and outbursts of physical rage.  I was petrified of my mums bad temper; she was very much of the opinion that children should be seen and not heard. She was not a person that I could openly discuss my feelings or fears with, she would have turned on me and called me a ‘lying bitch’ for daring to say such things.  She had convinced herself that everyone, including me was out to split her and her husband up because they where jealous of them.  I agree I did want them to split up, but it was far from jealousy of why I wanted him gone out of our lives.

His sexual abuse intensified over the years, as he seized every chance to touch me inappropriately. He would pull me close as I walked by, quickly reaching inside my underwear and under my bra for a fleeting moment of fondling. I soon learned to scream for my mum (who would be in the next room), calling her name as if I desperately needed her (which I did). In those moments, he would immediately stop what he was doing and almost rush out of the room. I realised at a young age that staying silent never helped me. I also understood that I had to shout loudly to make him stop his actions. If I could offer any advice to anyone experiencing any form of abuse, be it physical, sexual, or emotional, it would be to speak out. Don’t allow these perpetrators to intimidate you into silence. They thrive on fear, so refuse to let them keep you scared. Speak up and share what is happening to anyone that will listen. This is the only way we can hold them accountable for their actions and make them stop.

The good news is that he was eventually imprisoned for his crimes, receiving a 20-year sentence. He is set to be released soon, having served 10 years, and will be on license for the remaining 10. I understand that not everyone finds justice, especially in today’s world, but I want to offer hope that there are good people out there who will believe you and do everything they can to support you moving forward.

Taking action and reporting this to the police all those years ago helped me get my life back on track. It hasn’t been an easy journey, and I had to see a counsellor for over a year to work through the trauma. However, taking that step truly helped me navigate one of the most distressing periods of my childhood. So, don’t tolerate anyone who hurts you, whether through words, physical actions, or sexual abuse. You deserve to be loved and to feel safe. Remember, no one has the right to make you feel anything less than cherished in this world. Not a single person!

As an adult, I faced my own struggles to cope, and I don’t feel ashamed of how I managed. The purpose of this blog is to help people understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel, to encourage them not to lose hope, and to remind them not to let their inner demons take control. We all cope in different ways, some through food addictions, others through anorexia, drug and alcohol dependencies, or even self-harm. The important thing to remember is that we may not know why someone is grappling with addiction or self-harm, whether it’s physical or mental. What I do know is that we should all strive to be kind to those we encounter and, if possible, be there for them when they are ready to seek help.

Please make your voice heard; there is always someone ready to listen and help. Sometimes, we just need to speak up a little louder. If something feels wrong, reach out to someone, whether it’s a professional, a close friend, or a trusted relative. Don’t suffer in silence; fear only holds power when we remain quiet and afraid. Take control away from them by talking to someone and sharing exactly what is happening to you. You deserve a fulfilling life, and YOU DO NOT DESERVE to live in fear!

I no longer live in fear; I took my life back when I spoke to the Police.  After all of the pain that I personally went through and the journey I took to get me through the trauma, I have since been a successful business woman, happily married for nearly 18 years and a proud mother to a 35-year-old son.  If I can survive, you can too!

If you are reading this blog and need support, please know that there are many helplines available to help you. Don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance to these trained organisations; you don’t have to face this alone. These are caring professionals and are ready to listen and provide the support you need. Your well-being is important, and seeking help is a courageous step towards healing.